ReSurgence...

I remember a friend of mine handing me a sheet of paper with an amazing poem written on it..but then it wasn’t her conception..she had jotted down it for me in her beautiful handwriting jes becoz she felt tat would make me happy :) …a peck on the forhead from my papa at times early in the morning wen am still on bed brightens up my worst days :)…….. an unexpected “u vl do well” sms from sandu wen am tensed gives me a different kind of confidence I get from nower :) all these small things or rather concerns tat my loved ones show means the world to me….guess it’s the same for all out ther..isn’t? I believe life is actually enriching only by these small small ingredients..i strongly believe so….there are times wen we badly need a hug..a small word of encouragement..a smile….a touch….it doesn’t matter wer it comes from ..serioulsy it doesn’t ..can be someone whom u would have least expected..but trust me it does make a difference…

With some unexpected twists and turns in my life at the moment am at my moody best :p noting seem to work for me…noting peps me up…neither a song nor a good book….neither cooking nor a walk near the lake….life is dull at times…some grey shades along wit the colorful once….wer I am trying to introspect a bit as to wat is wrong…well I rarely do tat but wen I do, I myself hate those uneasiness tat builds around me….and still worse it stays on for few days…..am in a situation wer in I have noting much to do at the moment..but wait…pause a bit…so decided to let go…and here I am doing wat I love the most ..oh mine its been a while now…tis post of mine has noting much to convey….tis is jes for me…to get rid of those uneasiness around me…well am helping myself :) and yes there is someone who helped me to do tis ..”to help myself”…tis post is for tat being who keeps amazing me everytime….makes me believe tat this very moment is the only thing you have that is certain… so hold on to it, rather than getting lost in the blurred picture of the thing called ‘ future”…..who makes me believe tat angels do exist….who makes me believe tat the best things in life are always unexpected… for almost all the best things that came into my life were unexpected..so was she :)

tis post is jes for u sangichi :)

“We have what we seek, it is there all the time, and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us”

dooriyaan...

I loved this song from the lastest movie LOVE AAJ KAL….awesome lyrics and soothing to ur senses…few small pleasures in life almost for free..some soul stirring music…Its free its free its free….trust me the best things in life are always free…even he is... lol :) My twin bro…the best thing tat could have happened to me…

……..loads and loads of memories jes flash by writing this post now…going to school together, playing together, having almost the same set of friends, he cracking the most stupid jokes on earth and me laughing until my eyes waters, dancing exclusively for me wen am low with the most weirdest props, waking me up with Dev D emotional attyachaar songs (as alarm) during my exams, suprising me with some amazing gifts, remembering small little things ( he gifted me a pretty dress last birthday wit a green and white combo becoz I had told him som day tat I like the combination..well I had actually forgotten abt it), completing journals for me ( I have never ever done tat for him in his 4 yrs of engineering ), making me listen to songs tat must have come up recently and we fighting over it wether it would become a chartbuster!! He responding to each and every name tat I call him wit (well amma gets a bit amused by it ),planning and telling some white lies together (I had lost count how many times I must have called his TL at office to tell one..wer he actually writes down sentences for me as to wat to tell and I go byhearting them..only to goof it up and we end up fighting !!!), me cooking up something and he rating it ( he actually gets a bit annoyed wen I cook som of his favourites and I go distributing it to the kids in my wing….the cakes to be precise :)….wen he emotionally blackmails me to accompany him for a movie tat I may not be interested in ( he blackmails me saying tat he wont call me next time and tat he vl take ameya along :p)… wen I comb his hair and make many pony tails out of them ( he looks sooo cute )….

never thought I would miss him so badly…not tat I haven’t been away from him till now but then this time vl have to wait for long really long…a small void somewer wich I cant figure out…jes feel so lonely at times may be becoz I knw at the end of the day he wont be back at home..maybe becoz I knw he wont be around to bug me….to pull my leg on stupid things tat I do…oh god wen I pen this down I can feel his presence somehow….

i knw he is gone for good and tat he vl be back..i knw I can chat wit him every single day…I knw tat I cant stay wth him life long….i knw it wen my dear ones tell tat this is life and I vl have to adapt by…I knw..i knw it…but at times I jes need him, his presence…I miss waking him up in the morning, I miss opening the door wen he comes in late nite, I miss clearing around the mess tat he creates before he leaves for office, I miss fighting wit him……I miss………….it jes rolls down my cheeks unknowingly...........there Is truly nothing tat I can say to capture wat he means to me...... he is someone whom I love the most in this world :) :)
dooriyaan……
Kabhi hua yeh bhi
Khali Rahon pe bhi
Tu tha mere saath
Kabhi tujhe milke lauta
mera dil yeh khali khali haath……………..yeh dooriyaan...

Drizzless......

I love rains for more than one reasons...i used to wait for the first drizzles..the very first showers during my childhood days...come rains and the schools reopen..a blissfull new year..new raincoats...rainy shoes..new umbrellas [ yaa mom used to bring both raincoats and umbrellas for me and my twin bro becoz she insisted on wearing coats so tat we don’t get drenched in the rain and umbrellas becoz me and sandu used to not like wearing the raincoat caps..so umbrellas :) :)] jes the idea of getting wet gives me a different high...I want the feeling of it on my face....the drops falling on to ur face with the cool breeze at the back drop...oh mine...wat more to ask for...Growing up years wer all the more fun with friends, getting wet with mom...well we actually go for our evening walks minus our umbrellas :)...those lush greenery around....frogs hoping by ( well my complex is full of them...one sitting on another )...i enjoy all these to the core...

For me the best place in Mumbai to enjoy rains is Matunga..dont knw y I jes love the place from childhood wen we used to visit a famous temple ther... or rather wen I started understanding places..i feel its close to nature...i feel some kind of divine thing attached to it...and am in love with it all over again after my postgraduation at Ruia...tall trees spreading out their branches like a canopy on both sides of the roads...a calm atmosphere wich is a luxury in Mumbai now-a -days....jes love the place..a walk along those roads in a rainy atmosphere...jes go walking ...go on and on..endlessly..aimlessly :) :) jes letting the rains kiss u..letting the rains beat upon you with silver liquid drops...

This year rains wer all the more dramatic...making us wait for sometime...making us pray for it to arrive into our lifes...I guess waiting for something very badly to arrive tat we like the most has a special feel to it...a sweet pain of waiting for it to disembark in our lives...a slight pleasing uneasiness tat we cant get rid of ...tis year the rains wer all the more special for me...went through all these emotions all at once...those endless aimless walks wer all the more special this time... this time Clouds came floating into my life to add color to my sunset sky...looking back now I jes have a smile on my face... have loved the rains too dearly this time...this one is for tat special rain tat rained in my life... for those beautiful drizzles tat took me by surprise...the biggest surprise of my life tat I never expected :) :)...and I am treading onto my dreams beneath it...

Into each life some rain must fall...let the rains sing u a lullaby....

the "H" factor...

A project for my postgraduate course of six months have taught me so much in my life…wen I look back instead of all those not so good memories I prefer looking at the brighter side of it. The work required me to collect samples of women suffering from polycysts in their ovary wich makes them a bit too difficult to conceive… I used to see them coming and waiting endlessly for their reports..for a talk wit the doctor…for a proper clarification of things they might have never expected in their life…for a small HOPE tat all vl be fine at the end of the day….

The so called “ H” factor….HOPE…I feel our lifes revolve around it…. There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow…whatever be it we still have tat thing in us tat all vl be fine…tat at the end of the tunnel we vl see a ray of light...for me its the most significant fact of life... It provides me with a sense of destination and the energy to get started. Even those patients who used to come for their treatments I feel in the worst of the cases the patient's hopes are the physician's secret weapon. They are the hidden ingredients in any prescription. They say the problem is never bigger than a person…and tat there was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope..i feel a sense of joy jes to see someone realize tat ther is hope…the vibrancy I see in their face satisfies me at times…its like a road..a road tat was never ther..but then wen many people walk on it the road comes into existence by itself…

Ther are times wen we feel dejected about some things in our life…wen we feel this is the worst tat could have happened…and tat is the time wen we jes need to hang on….hang on for the best is jes around the corner….and I feel tats wen miracles happen…

Tis post is for all my friends and some real close ones whom I feel is in need of a high dose of “H “ factor :) jes keep faith and keep hoping eventhough everything seems hopeless…..for life always gives u wat u want wen u least expect it to happen :) :)

P.S: tis post has a special dedication…dedicated to my twin bro :)

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all

a healing touch

Have u ever been in a situation tat u did something unknowingly and it hurt a person close to u…and u feel guilty about it….u tried ur best to talk it out…but at the end of it all u feel tat ther still remains a knot…a knot tat vl remain for days or years to come…there is a kind of void tat creeps in wen u go almost insane thinking about it…wenu miss that person’s touch in ur life….

They say Humanity is never so beautiful as wen praying for forgiveness… ….but then its also said tat forgiving is divine…this post is for a friend whom I have hurted unknowingly…I went numb wen she told me tat the scar wil remain forever….have no clue how to heal it….and worst she was hurt through a comment in one of my blog post….it took a while for me to post this on my blog for many reasons…and I didn’t want to post anything other than this for my next post…this post is jes for u…to tell u tat I still feel guilty about my carelessness….and by tat incident I have learned to be more responsible towards my blog…this post is for u to thanku for making me realize my folly …

I jes wanted to do this…jes couldn’t let it go….Cause at the end of the day, honestly, at the end of the day when you're in your death bed, I think it's the relationships you've had and the people that you've touched and the people that have touched you that matter………jes Cherish your human connections - your relationships wit ur friends and family.

P.S : Khush I miss ur early morning Sms :)

heloooo tuness!!!!

I need my daily dose of music….i need them badly….be it while travelling to college, while reading a novel [ now tat I feel is world’s one of the most deadliest combo…a gud book and a soul stirring song in the milieu] or whatever it is……I jes cant do without them :)

“ kismet se tum humko mile ho, kaise chodenge….” Is a beautiful song sung by sonu nigam and anuradha from the movie pukar….this very song the first time I heard took me to some other world…and wen i say this I actually mean it...had this surge of emotions wich is never experienced before….a heart rendering piece of work by the very gr8 Rahman and Gulzar………………….and I can go ga-ga about this song :)….until today…..

My best friend soumya has this as her caller tune....We had a small plan of going out with an official work to be completed alongside… I was in the rick, had to pick her from her house,we were getting a bit late…tats usual with us now either bcoz of me or her ….and then i get these panic attack at times…I forget things….i go blank…and then I have to call her even if I am on my way to meet her!! All these happened even today….i was late…I forgot to carry something wich was very very very imp [ ‘very’ raised to trillions:)]…and as I said before I called her up ….wit no response from the opposite end it as getting on my nerves….suddenly out of nowere I got 2 messages in my inbox….pressing the keypads like some insane soul on earth I opened my inbox…and………………ther it was…. something wich again got onto my… wat shuld I say…..spine…..brain….each and every single cell in my bodytissue...each ligand tat activated my receptors tat actually made me feel like slapping myself….

The message was from hello tunes ( AIRTEL )…..it said “ THANKING U FOR COPYING THE HELLO TUNE. U HAVE BEEN CHARGED 30Rs. AS A MONTHLY SUBCRPITION AND AN ADDITIONAL 10 RS….I DON’T REMEMBER FOR WAT!! Now by mistake I had pressed the “ * “ ( star button) wich copies the tune if the person on the other end has one!! Now ther I was….never have I felt so…oh god its difficult to even express wat I feel like….na not becoz of the song been copied or the subscription charges ( it did pinch a bit though :p)….but becoz of the song..the very song tat I used to love….the very song tat took me to my wonderland…the very song on which I can go ga- ga about…..becoz now my friends call me and the first thing they ask is who is tat “TUM”….yaa kismet se TUM humko mile ho!!.... From morning today I have been cribbing about it to somi the whole way…asking her as to y did she keep this song as her tune…telling her the tat I am going to be a good leg pulling specimen for my friends for the next two days and all tat…

I Would have loved to answer them if I myself had any idea about the TUM….god knws wer and who he is :) …..am still waiting for the serene one in my life :)
…………….
Yun sharmaati yun ghabraati aise simti simtaayi
O mere baalam yunhi nahin main jaate jaate laut aayi hoon
Preet meri pehchaani tune
Meri kadr to jaani tune…………..
......Kismat se tum humko mile ho….

Oh mine but I still love this song :)

Musically urs.....

Writing this post after watching a music reality show in one of the regional channels…I was in the kitchen wen I heard a contestant with a soulful voice….the song and his singing triggered my feet to go to hall and actually see the contestant singing :) something struck me hard wen I saw him…….

Its said tat “After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music” and I agree to it wholeheartedly..wen words leave off music begins..and wen it hits u, u feel no pain only and only bliss..pure bliss. I cant comprehend why music makes me feel better emotionally…guess It just does … may be our Creator made us that way. Listening to music gives me an all time high..a high i get from no wer …..a simple delight wich is savor…for me music is movement of sounds to reach my soul..and I play on and on and on… Have u all experienced getting enveloped into the spaces between the musical notes and jes sailing to another world of paradise…wer in its jes u and ur thoughts...werin u actually live the music while listening to it….

That contestant with the soulful voice has not seen the world…he is blind… yet there is something so tranquil and divine about his stance towards others, towards life itself..towards HIM :) Guess only music can do this to a person…makes u so very down to earth , humble, positive inspite of the darkness around :) I was in for another surprise wen he said tat he hasn’t learned music as such….yet he sang so well!! Its said tat music is the sound of angles…and guess only pure souls can do justice to it….tat contestant with his songs made my day :)

Tis post is dedicated to him..and to all the people who loves and lives music…for " music gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, charm and gaiet to life and to everything around" :)

Music is love in search of a word.....

..

Miracles...

There are small things in life that just seem so nice! Though we often take them for granted, you know they're there, and making you feel good. These are things that we just need. Things that make your day a little bit better..

A walk with my dad after a good meal at nite , cuddling around my mom’s stomach ( trust me its softer than a soft toy…the twin’s effect I guess), some friends who sing for me on phone without me telling them to jes to make me feel better ( thanks sangi chechi, jay ettan and my ever dearest soumya), the joy of starting a new novel and the satisfaction of ending a good book , waking up refreshed … I like it wen I don’t have to press the snooze button at all :) :), the joy of hunting for a Mp3 version of a soul stirring song I mite have heard over the day ( my day isn’t complete without my daily quota of music), the smell of freshly cut grass, a cup of strong coffee with very little sugar, laughing on the most stupid jokes on earth ( my school opendays were always full of these complains from teachers “Sangee is always laughing”!!! ), reading Did u Knows like “Did you know that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on the 50th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, and within an hour of each other” and telling it to someone at the very moment of reading it :) :) silly me :), the heartiest laugh that i have wen my brother dances exclusively for me using the wierdest prop he can use on earth :) :)

These things matter to me a lot..i relish it :) some days need not be that gr8 but these small things amplify the good and minimize the bad for me…it makes me believe that life is good in spite of all its challenges…

These ordinary things of life add richness and depth to our existence… enjoy these moments for these are wat I call Miracles in our day- to -day life :)

Think big but relish small pleasures of life....

JES FOR U...

This small post is for a dear friend...a friend who has gathered me wen I was in pieces,she gathered them and gave it back to me in all the right order...this is for a friend whom I need not explain anything..this is for a friend who knows that something is wrong with me even wen I have biggest smile( I have it 24x 7 by default)on my face...this is for a friend who is about to bid goodbye to me jes few days after my exams!!!

Mansi, this is a small dedication to u...its by chance that we became friends..and with all those beautiful memories u have given me in these 2 years I am jes wondering how lucky I am to have known someone who is so hard to say goodbye to...with words deceiving me at this moment i just want to thank-you, my friend, for all the wonderful and colorful special ingredients you have brought to my life. Wish I could jes spend few more of my time with u...wish I could be atleast half the friend to u as u are to me..

Wishing u all the happiness in this world dear...
Luv u mottii :)

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born" -- Anais Nin

STRANGE!!!

People are different in many ways. Some are tall, while others are short. People could be extroverts or they could be introverts. You could come across optimistic people or you could come across pessimistic people. But when it comes to a select few, the word strange falls way short of describing their exact nature.

What could seem to be right with them at one point in time, may seem altogether wrong at another. What they might promote today, could be completely different from what they promoted two days ago. They might tell you that something you did was wrong in whichever way you look at it. But if the tide reverses, and they find themselves in a similar position, they will repeat the "so called" mistake that you had done. Just when you want to discard the feeling of anger because you do not want to make an issue out of it, they would come up to you with an explanation that compels you to think that your brain had stopped thinking for some time. They could find fault with someone today, but tomorrow, they could repeat the same mistake and tell you without pausing even for a moment, that what they did was nothing short of perfect!

Strange, chaotic, crazy all of these words fall way short of expressing such people. But if I tell you that they are, not selfish, but self-centered to such an extent that nothing else would matter to them apart from themselves, you can start painting a picture of the people I am describing here. The thing that they desire for themselves might be any of the following... money, ego, power, status or recognition. At the end of the day, however, what matters most to them, is just themselves. Others, well, they could please go to hell.

Welcome to the world of strangers whom you know so well, but can't express in words that could make others understand how strange they are. Welcome to this strange feeling of strangeness. The best way is to explore it around you. Who knows, it could have been an point that you missed comprehending in a person near you.


we are not human beings on a spiritual journey but spiritual beings on a human journey......

NOSTALGIA.......

It’s the payoff season of the year...grand finale of another academic year..this time they are really special, probably my last formal exams :) my university board exams are commencing from March end and I want to give my best as usual so I started going to my college reading hall for preparing for it..The best part I like about exams is the preparation that goes into it....it takes a toll on me but still I love it at the end of the day...love it for many reasons :)

Most of my class mates meet up at the reading hall to study..those 5-6 hrs that we spend there racking our brains, clearing each others doubts..explaining the difficult topics to the one who cant figure out..few minutes of sleep in between...a bit of gossiping..having lunch together...making awesome plans for the next day [which never see light most of the times :) ], running to the Xerox shop to get the last minute photocopy done [ I am at times in love with the person who invented the Xerox machine..our life would have been an utter mess otherwise :) :) ], calling up each other at late night just to tell that we are tensed about some topics…all these were a part of my life...until today when all of a sudden one of my friends reminded me that its going to be over soon.." just two more months Sangi…and its over.” Those words hit me hard...I guess because I was running away from this fact and such thoughts for a while now...

Yes I know it will be over soon...after few months we all will be there with the biggest challenge called LIFE in front of us...away from the comfort zone of one another...trotting onto different paths with diverse aims and ambitions...still I cant believe that all is going to end...nowadays every thing we do together ends up with these emotions surging up...at times I fail to understand the very basic essence of life...CHANGE...y shuld there be one, wen we all are happy with the life we have...y shuld there be one wen we knw that these moments are just going to remain as memories..I knw its dim-witted to ask all this...but...still....

As someone said that LIFE GOES ON...we move on...as I am on the verge of experiencing (and hoping to master) this art in life ( moving on)...I feel nostalgic about all those moments I spent in the two years of my post-graduation...All those moments in the kaleidoscope of life are experiences that have helped me mature as a person... Everything that I lived through in these 2 years are now in just some less visible form called memories...freezed in the refrigerator of my soul and the cupboard of the heart...some moments that I vl cherish for a lifetime...more than these moments I have few good relations that have built on during these couple of years..relations wich I knw are stronger and have stood rock solid during my worst times...

Now wen I sit down to write..all I want is to embrace those beautiful moments and relations…for I know I cannot relive them ..for I know the richness of my life lies in those memories...

Memories become treasures in the heart to pull out on tough days of LIFE...

A JOURNEY OF LOVE....

Sometimes there is a sense of contentment.A kind of gratification that embraces me, hitherto I didn’t know the source of this feeling but recently I have discovered that it emerges from the satisfied soul within me after each visit to the orphanage.

It’s a girls orphanage run by a group of ex military officers at sion in Mumbai. There are around 30 of them ..all of distinct persona, age. Of all am a bit biased to one angel there...her name is Aditi..a second standard student and of the few very young ones there..biased for reasons unknown :) she has a flair for most of the things wich I too love...dance, music and sketching. Each of my visit there she makes it a point to show me her new dance steps, her new sketches..and we discusss music like crazy..yaa we discuss..she is a bit matured for her age...I guess most of the children I met in the orphanage was so...the destitution in their lives and the state of affairs there made them like that...Matured.

Yesterday’s visit to the orphanage gave me altogether a different high becoz the madam in charge of the orphanage told me that a couple has come forward to adopt aditi...hearing this I was elated, ecstatic..delighted my happiness knew no bounds!! Still getting those goose pimples wen am writing this down :) I went to her and cuddled her with a tinge of tears in my eyes...she looked at me a bit amused..the creases on her forehead and the twinkle in her eye conveyed much more than I could comphrend...she has mixed feelings at the moment...but I am just too happy for her..more than happy I am touched by the deed of that couple who had taken this decision... It makes me happy to know that people still do some things the way their hearts want them to be done :) I have always believed that there are a few bonds which are stronger than many others...bonds and relations which don’t have names..I guess the couple must have felt some kind of cosmic connection with her..this gesture of theirs only reinforces my belief in the Almighty.

Aditi will be entering into a new world...a world she must not have experienced before...with loads of new relations..new people...it will be a new journey in her life…a journey of love...and love of all forms...I wish her all the best..much love and prayers :)



Looking back, I don’t have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so……..